Multi-Passionate Mastery

Ep 32: How to Stop Feeling "Flaky" as a Multi-Passionate

February 15, 2023 D'Ana Joi Season 2 Episode 32
Multi-Passionate Mastery
Ep 32: How to Stop Feeling "Flaky" as a Multi-Passionate
Show Notes Transcript

Do you ever feel like being multi-passionate makes you "flaky", indecisive, or all-over-the-place?

That's probably because you have many talents, many interests, and a lot of OPTIONS which can you leave you trying things out only to decide later that it's not the right thing for you.

But hear me out, you can change your mind often as a multi-passionate person WITHOUT making it mean that you're "flaky."

In today's episode of the Multi-Passionate Mastery podcast, we'll discuss both mindset shifts and practical tips to help you stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate.


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If you want to stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate, do not expect to be interested in something and have the same enthusiasm about it forever. start expecting instead that you're going to want to move on at a certain point. And that that's okay. You have a lot of different talents. You have a lot of different things that you want to express. Give yourself permission to do that as a multi-passionate person, and you'll stop feeling flaky. Welcome to the Multi-passionate Mastery Podcast. The podcast where creatives come to embrace their talents as a gift, not a burden. I am your host, D'Ana Joi. Together we'll explore how to finally make friends with focus, ditching overwhelm, and idea fatigue once and for all, and how to be unapologetic about who you are as a multi-passionate. But I'm not just going to pump you up with a bunch of empowerment content. I'm going to give you tools and practices that you can implement starting today. It's time to unlock your multi-passionate mastery. Let's begin. Hello, and welcome back to the show. Let's talk about how to stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate. Some reasons you might be feeling flaky are that you are not sure what you want to do. You have a lot of ideas. You have a lot of passions. You have a lot of talents. You have a lot of options! And you don't really know where to land. So maybe you choose something to pursue. You go after it, you're really into it at first because it's shiny and it's new and it's exciting and full of possibility, but as you get more into it, you realize. Something about this isn't feeling like a good fit. Or you realize that you feel like you're leaving other parts of yourself on the table and it just doesn't feel authentic to do that. And so you end up stopping in the middle. Maybe you have gotten certification after certification thinking. Okay. Finally, I found the thing, I found the thing I want to do. And the cycle repeats itself, you get in the middle or you start experiencing it firsthand and you realize, Nope. This isn't it. And so you change your mind. You change your mind and you say I'm going to try something else. That can leave you feeling very flaky. Or maybe you go to an event like a family dinner and your aunt comes up to you and they say, Hey. How's it going, how's it going with, you know, that thing that you told me about at the last family gathering? And you are turning red and feeling kind of embarrassed because you're not doing that thing anymore. And now you have to explain to your aunt that it didn't work out and you're kind of trying to figure out what's next. Does any of that sound familiar? Have you been there? I know I have. That's why I can explain it so clearly, because as a multi-passionate I've been there, I'm sure that you've been there too. But here's the thing. Feeling flaky as a result of a stream of thoughts that are allowing you to believe that that's what's happening. Feeling flaky is something that you don't have to experience, even if you do change your mind often. Even if you are still figuring things out, that doesn't mean that you have to feel flaky. So that's what we're going to talk about today. I'm going to give you three tips to stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate. The first one is to embrace the, figuring it out stage. And I want to explain this to you by using an analogy. Let's say that you walk into your favorite frozen yogurt shop. Maybe it's a hot day and you've been craving some fro-yo. So you step into a frozen yogurt shop. Now, what's the first thing that you do when you get there? You grab that little taster cup and you try out a few different flavors. Maybe you try combinations of various flavors, some tastes great. Some are too tart. Some you realize are okay when it's a little bit, but you can not eat a whole big cup of it. You start to feel into what you might want to put into your big cup. What you might want to commit to for a little while. What you might want to do on a bigger scale. And then eventually something clicks and you're like, okay, I'm ready for my big cup. I know that I like these two flavors and I'm also going to put a few toppings on there. I'm going to have this mix of things in my big cup. And I'm feeling really good about it. So you do that. You make your amazing frozen yogurt cup, and then you go to the register, you check out and you enjoy your fro-yo. If you've never been into a fro-yo shop, that's what it's like. Now the reason I'm using this analogy is because when you walk into the frozen yogurt shop, And you start to taste and try out different flavors. No one's judging you for not having it figured out yet. No one is saying, how dare you come into this frozen yogurt shop. And you don't go straight for your big cup and know exactly what it is that you want. You're so flaky, right? No, one's judging you like that. Because the culture of the frozen yogurt shop is that you get to try things out before you make it into the big cup phase. So I like to think of this as little cup phase, which is figuring it out, trying things out, seeing how things feel, not overly committing, but just giving yourself a chance to feel into what it could be like to do this or to do that. Big cup phase comes after you've made a decision to commit a little bit to say, okay, you know what? I'm going to see this through for a little while. I want to really feel into what this could be like. That's big cup phase. And how do you get from one phase to another? Well, the first step is you embrace the fact that little cup phase is okay to be in. It's okay to try things out. In fact, it's completely natural. There are so many other analogies that I could use here as well. Let's say it's time to move time to look for a new place to live. Maybe you're looking for her house. Or you're looking for an apartment or you're looking for a roommate, whatever it is. The first thing that you would do is you would go on one of those real estate apps and you'd start browsing all these different options. Then maybe you take a tour of a few of them in person. You do that before you make a decision. And let's talk about shopping. If you're someone who likes to shop, and you walk into a store, you might take multiple items to the dressing room, try all of them on, and then choose a few to actually purchase at the register. So I'm giving you these analogies because I want you to feel into how many other spaces in your life figuring things out is completely natural and is honored. And you're given time to do that. But when it comes to making big life decisions, like what you're going to do, what your career is going to be. What you're going to quote unquote, get serious about there's this pressure to somehow just have it all figured out. I mean, as soon as we enter college and at least in the U S when you enter college, you are expected to choose a major. Yes. You get to try different classes, but you're expected to go into it, knowing what you're going to major in. So you can kind of see where there's a divide in certain areas. In these areas of our lives that are not tied to vocation or livelihood. We're given plenty of freedom to try things out, to be in that figuring it out stage to enjoy little cup phase, but when it comes to making bigger life decisions, we're expected to just know we want right away. So when you are making these bigger life decisions, like, okay, what career do I want to pursue? Or what do I want my next job to be? Or how am I going to make a livelihood for myself or which project of mine do I want to implement next? Those kinds of decisions. When you're making them from a place of feeling pressured to have it all figured out and you're not remembering that actually there is a figuring it out stage that you can embrace instead. That can lead to feeling flaky. Does that make sense? Because you're putting pressure on yourself to have it all figured out. You might make a decision prematurely and then go back on your decision later. So. My first tip for not feeling flaky as a multi-passionate is to embrace the, figuring it out stage. Give yourself some time in little cup phase. Let yourself try things out and give yourself permission. Not to commit until you truly feel like it's the right time. Now you know, you might be listening to this and thinking, this sounds great Joi, but I could spend my whole life in little cup phase. I could spend my whole life just trying things out. I'm multi-passionate how am I ever going to know what I want to actually do. My question for you. Is, are you willing to trust that you will know? Are you willing to trust that you're not going to spend your whole life jumping from thing to thing to thing? And that there is going to be a point where you realize, even if you are doing multiple things, there's something you keep coming back to. Or there's a few things you keep coming back to. And those would be the flavors that you would put in your big cup. Are you willing to trust that it's an organic process? That you will arrive at that place. And if you truly struggle with that, if you truly feel like, you know, I am a person who tries things out and I just cannot figure out what I want to actually pursue what I want to start with, what I want to see through and start to gain some momentum on before I do anything else. If that's a big struggle for you, then I would invite you to join my coaching program because that's what I help my clients with. So if you feel like you're always in the figuring it out stage and you're ready to start making some moves, then come and join us inside of prioritize and thrive. My clients inside of the program go from having a ton of ideas and not knowing where to start to knowing exactly what to start with and taking action. So know that there's support out there available for you. But, I digress. To wrap up the first tip for not feeling flaky as a multi-passionate it's to embrace the, figuring it out stage. The second tip for not feeling flaky as a multi-passionate is to get over your fear of letting other people down and get more comfortable with choosing yourself. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to pivot. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Even your aunt at that family gathering who's coming up to you asking, you know, how it's going with that thing you said you were going to do. All you need to say to someone in that instance is, oh, you know what? It didn't end up feeling like the right thing for me so I'm going back to the drawing board and I'm really enjoying, figuring things out. And you can even take it a step further and say to them, has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had something that you started and you realized you didn't want to stick with it and then you change. I'd love to know. People love telling stories. People love talking about themselves. And if you're ever in a situation like that, where someone's asking you how it's going and you're feeling uncomfortable. One of my favorite strategies is to just turn it back on them. Share a little bit and then go. What about you? Is that ever happened to you? You know, what were you doing at my age or what was going on in your life at this time? You might find that they say they wish they had been brave enough to pivot. They wish they had allowed themselves to figure things out and to embrace that stage more. So. That's a little side tip, but the main thing that I want you to hear is that you have to get to the place where you feel so confident in choosing yourself that letting other people down is something that you know might happen, but it's not going to stop you or change your decision-making. You cannot control how other people feel about the decisions that you make for yourself. You can't control how your parents feel, you can't control how your friends feel, you can't control how your employer feels or. You know, anything. Your partner, your spouse, your kids. The only thing that you can control are the decisions that you make for yourself in your life and you're the one who's going to have to experience them. Yes, they may impact other people and it's fine to take that into consideration. But you are the one who is living your life. You're the one who's going through those experiences. It is not worth being miserable in a career that no longer feels aligned, just because you don't want to look flaky. When you hear me say it, you're probably like, of course not. You know, Oh, of course not. It's not worth it, but how many times have you made a decision to do something that didn't feel right, because you didn't want to be flaky, like, let's be honest. We all have done that. this takes practice. I don't expect for you to say,"okay, Joi. Thanks. Got it! From now on I just won't care about letting people down". It takes practice. And so my advice with this. Is to start with baby steps. Maybe you agreed to go out to dinner with a friend, but you've really are not feeling it. And you want to stay home and relax in your pajamas instead. Instead of saying, well, I don't want to be flaky. I don't want to let them down. I'm just going to go. Practice telling your friend, Hey, gotta be honest. Sounded like a great thing at the time, but my couch is just calling me. I just want to stay in tonight. I was really looking forward to it, but could we reschedule? What you'll find is it's usually not the end of the world. You might find that your friend says, oh my goodness. Me too. Okay. Totally let's reschedule. So practice with instances like that. Maybe, um, what's another thing, another example I can give you. Maybe you're planning on making something for dinner. And. You realize that you don't have the energy to do it, and you would love it if either you know, your partner could make dinner instead, or you could order in like, maybe it's like, could we order pizza instead. Those are small things where you can start to practice changing your mind and start to see that it's okay if people feel a little bit let down at first. They're going to get over it. So try to build up evidence with these more low pressure situations. Learn how to say, actually I changed my mind. I'm going to do this instead. Start with things that feel a little bit more approachable, and then you'll be able to work your way up to those bigger life decisions. And again, I'm going to say if this is something that you struggle with, you know, you can get coaching around this. Back in season two and episode 21, I talk about three signs that it's time to hire a life coach. And one of them is that you want to make a change in a specific area. And then another sign is that you want a greater chance at success in making that change. So maybe speaking up for yourself, advocating for yourself. And you know, saying, Hey. I've changed my mind and I'm not going to apologize for that. Maybe that's something that has been a real struggle for you. Maybe you've tried. You tried the baby steps in is still something that you want to work through. Working with a life coach could be really supportive for you. Um, therapy could also be really helpful for you here, but it's worth it to heal in this area, it's worth it to heal in this area because if you live your life being afraid that you're going to let other people down, you're not living your life for yourself. And then what happens is you feel flaky when you're simply making a decision for yourself. So when you finally decide to say, okay, you know what, actually. I don't want this job anymore. I'm going to change careers instead of feeling empowered by that choice, you might feel flaky. Right. And that's what we want to avoid. That's what we're talking about in this episode. How to not feel flaky as a multi-passionate. Hey, Do you want to finally break free from the pressure of doing all the things at once as a multi-passionate. And how good would it feel to be able to bring your amazing ideas to life on a completely stress-free timeline without second guessing or burning out along the way? I've got something special for you today. It's my newly updated free training that walks you through how to do everything I just mentioned. Click the link in our show notes to get instant access or visit multi-passionate to register. I'll see you over there. So to recap, tip number two for not feeling flaky as a multi-passionate person is to learn how to choose yourself. Be empowered to change your mind without the fear of letting other people down. Or if you do feel that fear of letting other people down, you learn strategies and tools to push through that so that you can still show up and choose yourself. And honor the decisions that you need to make to feel good in your life. My third and final tip for not feeling flaky as a multi-passionate is to shift your expectations. When you find something that you want to pursue, when there's a project that you start or there's something that's lighting you up and calling your name, stop expecting that it's going to be a forever thing. Allow yourself to embrace the fact that you're going to do this for now and see how it goes. Having that perspective does not make you flaky. It makes you self-aware. As a multi-passionate person, what I've learned is that any time I start a project, I need for it to have an end point. I no longer do things that are open-ended. Let me give you some examples. This podcast is produced in seasons. I plan the seasons in advance. So I know when they're going to start and I know when they're going to end. At the end of each season, I can ask myself. Do I want to keep going? Am I still enjoying this process? If not, I can say all right, well maybe that was my last season of the show. My group coaching program. Although my clients get lifetime access to the course because that's all prerecorded. I don't have to show up live for that. So I don't mind people having ongoing lifetime access to those materials. So my clients get lifetime access to the course. But when you join my coaching program, you get access to a year, one year of the community and the coaching calls, because that's what I have to keep running on an ongoing basis. I show up every two weeks to do coaching with my clients. And I'm active in our community space every day pretty much. And so because I have my clients on a year long contract for that. There actually is an ending point. And if I ever wanted to close that program down, I would say, okay, I'm going to stop accepting new clients. And when everyone who's currently in the program reaches their year mark then I'll be done with this program and I can move on to something else. I structured it that way, because if I were to just say, join, prioritize, and thrive my coaching program, and you get lifetime access to the course, lifetime access to coaching and lifetime access to community. That's robbing me of a choice. That's robbing me of my ability to change my mind at a later point. If you want to stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate stop expecting that, the things that you start, the things that you get interested in, are going to last forever. Start expecting instead that you're going to want to move on at a certain point. And that that's okay. You have a lot of different talents. You have a lot of different things that you want to express. Give yourself permission to do that as a multi-passionate person, and you'll stop feeling flaky. Do not expect to be interested in something and have the same enthusiasm about it forever. Another option for this is maybe you start something. Let's say you. Okay. We can use a podcast example. Let's say you start a podcast. And you love it and you love recording the episodes. You're feeling really good about it. But you have found it to be quite a task. Editing and scheduling and all the things that come with it. So maybe you don't expect yourself to do it all by yourself forever. Maybe you say to yourself, okay, I'm going to do this, you know, by myself for the first few months, and then I'm going to save up enough to hire a podcast editor. I'm going to give part of this process away to someone else so that I can do what I enjoy. That's another version of tempering, your expectations. If you take on a project and you know that it could be handed over to someone else. That's an option too. So those are two examples for you. Either start to have end dates so that you have an out, you have the option of changing your mind, or have a plan for handing some things off so that it's not all on your shoulders, but either way, the point is to release the expectation that you're going to be into the same thing forever. That's not who you are as a multi-passionate. That does not make you flaky and unless you decide to believe that it does, and I'm inviting you into a new way of thinking about it instead to empower you to release that. So let's do a quick recap and we'll wrap this episode up. Feeling flaky as a multi-passionate is extremely common. You have a lot of passions, you have a lot of talents is a lot of things that you want to do. And that comes with changing your mind. Maybe quite often, but that doesn't mean that you have to feel flaky or wishy-washy or all over the place. Try these three tips to stop feeling flaky as a multi-passionate. Number one embrace little cup phase. Embrace the figuring it out stage. Let yourself have that time to try things out. Number two. Get in the habit of choosing yourself and honoring yourself. And let go of your fear of letting other people down. That's a big one and it might take some time. So start small and work your way up or get coaching or therapy or whatever you need to do. And tip number three. Temper your expectations. Stop expecting that you're going to be into the same thing. Forever and ever, and ever as a multi-passionate. Instead start expecting that you might change your mind at some point and plan ahead for that. I hope these tips helped. If you want to share any feedback about this episode, how it landed for you or ask a follow-up question. You can send me a voice note. Click the link in our show notes to do that. I would love to hear from you. Your voice notes, go directly to my email inbox. I can listen to it and send you one back. It's super fun. So, if you have anything you want to say, please go ahead and send that through. And I'll see you back here in a couple of weeks for our next episode. Bye.